We must embrace the pain of sadness to have new life

Tuesday, Jan. 25
January 25, 2011
Thursday, Jan. 27
January 27, 2011
Tuesday, Jan. 25
January 25, 2011
Thursday, Jan. 27
January 27, 2011

Years ago, a lady called the rectory to inform us that her husband had just died and asked if we could come over and give him “the last rites.”


Unfortunately, no one was home at the time and the widow became very upset. When I returned, I called the family and explained to the wife that I was out of town and, therefore, not able to come over and pray for her husband.


She was angry and sad so my excuse did not satisfy her. “My husband is in the funeral home and he did not receive the last rites. What am I to do?” she asked.

I explained to her that we do not have “last rites” any more and that prayers we say for people who’ve just died were to commend them to our loving God. These prayers do not work magic. God will judge individuals by the quality of their lives, not by the prayers we say after they die. I told her that I would remember her husband in a special way at Mass the next morning and this seemed to put her at ease.


We can all identify with the sadness the lady was experiencing upon the death of her husband. Swallowed up in her grief and sadness, she wanted me to “fix” her situation. She believed that a few prayers would make everything OK. However, it does not work that way. To arrive at a new place in life, she had to go through the “darkness;” the sadness of loss.


Maybe we have not lost a spouse or loved one, but we constantly experience different types of losses n of a job, contact with old friends, health and mobility or leaving a familiar environment. What do we do with our sadness?

Young women are better than young men in dealing with sadness. An old saying states, “The young man who cannot cry is a savage, the old man who cannot laugh is a fool.” Overall, young males in every culture seek their own advancement, achievements, promotions and identity. That kind of male is not good for building community, family or a nonviolent society. He could only build a violent society.

Our Christian tradition can teach us a better way n the way of tears. The mystery of life and death or loss and renewal are that there are two sides of everything and they cannot be separated. If we do, we will miss out on life. For Christians, the essential mystery that “Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again” describes that movement from death to new life.

You see, Jesus did not come to earth to satisfy an angry deity who demands blood before God would love us again. No, Jesus came to earth to teach us the value of suffering.

Jesus came to identify with our pain and entered it whole heartily. He invites us to face the sadness of life as He did. The cross reminds Christians that suffering and sadness are an important part of life.

The job of a good Christian spiritual advisor is to encourage us not to be afraid of sadness caused by loss. Without trying to “fix” us or remove the pain, the advisor will stay with us until we have learned the lessons the accompany pain. Only then can we come out of our sadness. Don’t be afraid of the sadness; it’s a good teacher.

God can only reach us when we give up trying to control our sadness and pain. The Almighty wants us to go through the hurtful emotions toward new life because our purpose on earth is not finished.