What a Life! for May 9-13, 2007

Reynauld Songy
May 7, 2007
Steve Collins
May 9, 2007
Reynauld Songy
May 7, 2007
Steve Collins
May 9, 2007

This Sunday, May 13, 2007 is Mother’s Day. Usually, we send our mothers sentimental cards or poetry that extolls the virtues of motherhood. The following essay is attributed to “Tilman.” It is a humorous tribute to mothers entitled What I Owe My Mother. I hope you enjoy it.


1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”


2. My mother taught me religion. “You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about time travel. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”


4. My mother taught me logic. “Because I said so, that’s why.”


5. My mother taught me more logic. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me foresight. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident.”


7. My mother taught me irony. “Keep crying, and I will give you something to cry about.”


8. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about being a contortionist. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”


10. My mother taught me about stamina. “You will sit there until all that spinach is gone.”


11. My mother taught me about the weather. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12 My mother taught me about hypocrisy. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”


13. My mother taught me about the circle of life. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about behavior modification. “Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about envy. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who do not have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about anticipation. “Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about receiving. “You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me medical science.”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP (Extra Sense Perception.) “Put your sweater on; you think I don’t know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me humor. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me how to become an adult. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you will never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me the science of genetics. “You are just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my family roots. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me wisdom. “When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

25. My mother taught me about justice. “One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

We hope all you mothers have a fantastic Mother’s Day. May God continue to bless you!