Steer clear from goalie seeking to kick

Just say no to Mo.

That’s exactly what I hope LSU coach Les Miles does this coming spring when Tigers’ senior soccer goalie Mo Isom tries out for the football team as a kicker.

Let me preface the obvious dissent that will arise from such a statement, I am in no way, shape, nor form a sexist.

I believe in gender equality and my opinion is based in no way, shape, nor form on a woman “not belonging on a field in a man’s game,” nor any other sexist-driven opinion that you might hear from others who also believe that Isom shouldn’t make the team. My decision has nothing to do with Isom’s gender in any way and I’d honestly feel the same about any known figure, male or female, who’d attempt a similar venture.

Heck, I’ll even go so far as to say that my opinion would change if it’s deemed during the tryout, set for this spring, that Isom would be the best kicker on the team. If that’s the case, then she absolutely has the right to be the team’s kicker next fall.

But if the Tigers bring the soccer goalie onto the team in a backup role purely for publicity’s sake, the only thing Miles and Co. should be ready to experience are headaches at a position that cannot afford to take aspirin in order to be a championship team.

There are two people who are universally loved on any sports teams.

The first is the backup quarterback.

The second is the walk-on basketball player who sits at the end of the bench and never plays, except when his/her team is ahead by 30+ points with less than a minute to play.

If Isom would join the Tigers’ roster, she would become the third person on the list of universally loved sports figures.

She’s very attractive physically. She’s charismatic. And she’s one of the best damned soccer goalies LSU has ever had, she’s truly one of the most recognizable female athletes in LSU history.

But that’s exactly the problem, the sole reason why Isom shouldn’t be allowed onto the football team is if it’s just to serve a backup role.

And here’s why:

Kickers are weird people. They just are. I’ll even go so far as to say I think kickers would admit that they are weird people.

They are just quirky. And honestly, they aren’t the most mentally strong people in the world, either. Again, I think they would admit that to you, as well.

Everything they do in a game is based on a routine. From the number of steps they take to approach the football all the way down to the number of breaths they take before the snap, all routine driven. If that almost scientific routine is thrown out of whack, disaster happens … almost immediately.

That’s the sole reason why opposing coaches call timeouts to “ice” kickers before they attempt high-stakes field goals. It’s not to make adjustments or to do anything schematically to defend the field goal. It’s to try and throw the 19-year-old head case off his routine to try and make him miss the kick.

So with that said, a large part of a kicker’s routine is being unknown, the little-known 160-pound dude on the team that doesn’t do anything (literally) except kick a football in between two yellow posts.

So in a position that’s largely based on anonymity, how exactly do you think LSU’s projected 2012 senior starting kicker Drew Alleman would respond if every, single time he walked onto a field, his own home fans would boo because the more popular and well-known Isom’s not being given an opportunity to give the football a whack?

Or how about the first time Alleman would dare to miss a field goal? Or heaven forbid even an extra point? How do you think the fans will treat him then? Do you think they’ll be understanding that he’s not perfect and will give him another shot?

In most times, yes, they would, because heck, no one with any sort of social life knows who the backup kicker is on any football team.

If Isom’s on the squad, that changes and fans will be grunting and barking for the soccer star at the first sign of weakness in the position.

If calling a basic timeout can erode a kicker’s brain into dust in less than 60 seconds, imagine how bad it’ll be when he’s booed by his own fans in favor of the more popular backup option.

Likewise, imagine how bad it’ll be the one game that LSU gets a big lead and does allow Isom to kick a few extra points to appease the drunken mass of students shouting her praises.

What happens if she makes the kicks?

The fans will want more.

What happens if the fans want more?

The team’s best kicker, Alleman’s confidence and comfort levels sink lower and lower.

In a summer when the LSU football team has had more negative publicity than positive, I understand the desire to make people in the national media see the Tigers’ program in a big, bright light of unrealistic positivity.

But special teams are called SPECIAL for a reason, they are very important to whether or not a team wins or loses.

Chalk me down as one who’s not willing to turn away a sure-thing kicker like Alleman for a little bit of free publicity.

Say no to Mo, Les.

You won’t regret it.