Honoring football with 25 words about each NFL team

Nicholls makes coaching hires
August 5, 2014
Former Colonel fighting to make Browns’ roster
August 5, 2014
Nicholls makes coaching hires
August 5, 2014
Former Colonel fighting to make Browns’ roster
August 5, 2014

Spread the word – football is back!

That’s all I kept telling myself this past weekend as I watched the Hall of Fame Game between the Buffalo Bills and the New York Giants.

Man, it felt good to watch something other than baseball for a change. Man, it was really nice to see a few tackles be made and to hear the quarterbacks go through their cadences at the line of scrimmage.


The pace of play was awful. It was a typical preseason affair with sloppiness, has-been and never-was players all over the field.

But it was football, and more importantly, it was a prelude to what is to come – the NFL regular season and also the college season (my preferred choice for football).

So to celebrate the occasion, I decided this week to dedicate my column to our country’s favorite sport, and more importantly the teams we care about most – the NFL squads and the teams within the SEC.


So I decided to break out the crystal ball and tell you everything that you need to know about the above-mentioned 46 teams.

OK, OK, maybe I’m not going to tell you EVERYTHING – more like a Cliff Notes version. I will summarize all of the NFL teams in 25 words or less.

What can I say? This is the newspaper business. Space is sometimes at a premium.


But here goes:

AFC EAST

Buffalo Bills – The Bills paid a fortune for Sammy Watkins. He’s a monster, but other depth chart holes will cripple team again in 2014-15.


Miami Dolphins – Expect a typical Dolphins team – just bad enough to miss the playoffs, but just good enough to be in the middle of the NFL Draft.

New England Patriots – Tom Brady is on the decline. ESPN will never admit it, but it’s a fact. That defense better show up in a big way.

New York Jets – You don’t like Rex Ryan because of his cockiness. But the dude wins games. Expect the Jets to overachieve again and maybe reach the playoffs.


AFC NORTH

Baltimore Ravens – Giving Flacco about $30 million too much will hamper the Ravens’ future. Being well-coached can only take you so far in today’s NFL.

Cincinnati Bengals – Would be my favorite to win it all if not for quarterback Andy Dalton. That guy is a fraud, and everyone (including the Bengals) knows it.


Cleveland Browns – I am all aboard Manzielmania. I can’t wait to see my favorite college QB play his hand against an NFL defense. It’ll be a complete circus.

Pittsburgh Steelers – The Steelers usually don’t fail in two-straight seasons. We expect a big-time comeback from Big Ben and his boys in this wide-open division.

AFC SOUTH


Houston Texans – Houston is still among the top rosters in the NFL in pure talent. With a new coach and a new QB, we expect success.

Indianapolis Colts – Man, was I wrong about Andrew Luck. I called him a bust. He’s actually a star. The Colts have a shot as long as he’s there.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Do I even have to waste my time with this one? These guys are a dumpster fire covered in cow manure. They’ll win four games max.


Tennessee Titans – If Jake Locker can stay healthy, the Titans have a shot. The problem is Jake Locker doesn’t ever stay healthy.

AFC WEST

Denver Broncos – In Peyton Manning I trust, there’s no way the Broncos don’t win 10-plus games in 2014-15. He’s too good, and the AFC is too bad.


Kansas City Chiefs – Year one for Andy Reid was promising, but I expect a regression to the mean. You can’t win every close game over a long period.

Oakland Raiders – The Raiders’ big-time move of the offseason was acquiring Matt Schaub. Somewhere Al Davis is looking down and smiling at this level of ineptitude.

San Diego Chargers – Another sleeper pick to win the entire AFC if the chips fall the right way. Philip Rivers continues to be an unappreciated QB in the NFL.


NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys – The Cowboys’ offense will be fine and will score 28-30 points per game. The challenge will be whether that anemic defense can survive.

New York Giants – Breaking news – Eli Manning was just sacked again. Drafting Odell Beckham will mean nothing to New York if they don’t protect Eli better this go-round.


Philadelphia Eagles – Is Chip Kelly a true NFL wizard or will his offense be exposed by coordinators now that they’ve had time to study? We’ll find out.

Washington Redskins – The Skins fired Shanahan but will soon learn their problem is really RG3. He’s oft-injured and disliked by teammates – expect another implosion in 2014.

NFC NORTH


Chicago Bears – The Bears kept the wrong quarterback, paying their career loser an absurd amount of money. Cutler hasn’t won at any level and will lose big again this season.

Detroit Lions – Can Stafford, Megatron and Reggie Bush break through and reach the playoffs with a first-year coach? I think they have a chance to make waves.

Green Bay Packers – With Aaron Rodgers and Eddie Lacy, the Packers will be one of the most complete teams in the entire NFC. Defense will decide their fate.


Minnesota Vikings – It’s such a shame that Adrian Peterson’s prime is being wasted by a Christian Ponder-led team. He, and the NFL fans, deserve so much better.

NFC SOUTH

Atlanta Falcons – An elite QB overcomes an inferior roster and wins 10 games. Last year proved that Matt Ryan isn’t elite. Falcons improve, but still struggle in 2014.


Carolina Panthers – Refer back to the Chiefs. Can any NFL team truly win every, single close game two years in a row? Without Steve Smith, I say no.

New Orleans Saints – Barring major injury problems, the most talented roster in the division. Would be absolutely shocked if New Orleans was not in top-half of NFC.

Tampa Bay Bucs – Some are high on Lovie Smith’s bunch in 2014, but I am not one of those people. I think they are a year or two away.


NFC WEST

Arizona Cardinals – Carson Palmer needs to quit forcing things and just protect the football. That defense is good enough to do enough to win most games.

San Francisco 49ers – The window is closing on the 49ers, and training camp injuries have piled up. It could be a tough go for the always-tough Western team.


Seattle Seahawks – What can’t Seattle do? Seriously – find me a place on the depth chart where these guys aren’t elite. They’ll easily win 10+ games yet again.

St. Louis Rams – Much like Tennessee, the Rams are being held hostage by an oft-injured QB. The talent is there, but it all derails when Bradford goes down.