Lucretia and the rat

It would be nice if everyone always went with the program, if all would realize that folks in government and other places where authority sits are really doing what’s best for everyone.

At least that’s what the people in charge think.

But then there are the gadflies, who are not satisfied with simple answers. Because of their intense interests in a given field they ask the hard questions, and that doesn’t always make everyone comfortable.

In Terrebonne Parish one such person is Lucretia McBride, whose interests and knowledge bases are, to say the least, esoteric, and who has never feared speaking to power.

“When I recognize the power is unbalanced and someone is treated unfairly I am just motivated, my inner self gets a little scrappy and says ‘put that right,’” she says, when asked about her motivation.

Among the injustices – real or perceived – that Lucretia addresses from time to time are those relating to remains and memories of the dead. This has resulted in an intense interest in how business is conducted at the cemeteries owned and operated by Terrebonne Parish, and related issues. She worked briefly as the director of cemeteries for Terrebonne, back when Bobby Bergeron was Parish President. But it didn’t last, at least in part because of tenacity and demands that things be done by the book, which a lot of other people hadn’t apparently taken time to read.

She has also run for Terrebonne Parish Council, thus far without success.

But then sometimes it is better, perhaps, for the gadflies to remain in the gallery where they can see more clearly the work they wish to critique.

History will tell.

But it is fair to say that when Lucretia shows up at the microphone in the council chambers, there are quiet collective groans, because she speaks with requisite indignation, and that sword can cut sharp.

There is another Lucretia McBride that the public doesn’t get to see much of, but who was very much in evidence last week, at her home in a small subdivision neighborhood.

The issue involved not a public official who had either purposely or inadvertently gored a cherished ox. Rather, it was a much smaller four-legged creature.

At first she thought the intruder was a mere mouse, which she has handled admirably before. But these footfalls were heavier and somewhat intimidating, and so Lucretia set about deciding what should be done.

“I could tell it was there, somewhere near the dryer,” she said, figuring on the point of entry.

The rat – she finally got visual confirmation that it was indeed a rat, and neither a mouse nor something bigger like a nutria – would have it be evicted.

“Not killed,” said Lucretia, who named the critter Mrs. Ratatouille, and was determined to make the eviction bloodless enough for further rat multiplying, just not in her living space.

She called friends and consulted, stressing that the solution must be non-lethal. Glue traps wouldn’t do. Neither would the guillotine-style devices. And poison was out of the question.

For about two days the efforts were pondered.

And then came the brainstorm, and she acted.

“I heated up a leftover Popeye’s biscuit. While it was hot I put a tablespoon of cold medicine on it, the kind that makes you go to sleep and let it soak in,” said Lucretia, who then waited and watched. “She took her time eating it and then fell asleep. So I gathered her up in an old towel and put her in a box and drove around the corner by the bayou and set her up under some big cement chunks by the water with a loaf of cornbread.”

Further investigation revealed that a space in the washroom area – which was quickly repaired – had led to the rat’s being there in the first place.

“Poor thing had to have been starving,” Lucretia said. “I’m so glad I got her out without having to resort to those other ways. Case closed.”

Some of the folks who have felt the ire that Lucretia can conjure might be surprised that one with a tongue so frequently acidic can have a heart that big. But those who know of what motivates those who speak up – whether we agree or disagree with their methods or positions – can easily understand that lack of pity for politicians is not at all contrary to capacity for compassion when it comes to a creature as simple as a rat.