Could You Repeat That

I wish I could say this column isn’t about making fun of people but that would be a lowdown, dirty lie. It’s about the stupid things people say. In this case, we’re talking about celebrities who obviously shouldn’t open their mouths when speaking. So without further ado, here goes:

Former baseball great Yogi Berra (I just had to start with one of my favorite persons and the only one on this list that doesn’t sound stupid simply because of whom he is.): ‘Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future.

And then, of course, there’s two of our all-time gifted political speakers: George W. Bush and Dan Quayle:

Former President George W. Bush: ‘They misunderestimated me.

Former vice presidential candidate Dan Quayle: ‘What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.

Now a few famous folks who might consider thinking more and speaking less:

Actress Brooke Shields: ‘Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

Former wife of Donald Trump, Ivana Trump: ‘Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.

Well-known person known for being well-known, Paris Hilton: ‘I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off.’ Sorry. No! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid.

Chrysler chairman Lee Iacocca: ‘We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need

Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry: ‘Outside of killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Former boxer Frank Bruno: ‘It was a no-win situation, so I’m glad that I won rather than lost.

Actor Gary Busey: ‘There’s nothing like changes because nothing changes but the changes.

Model Linda Evangelista: ‘It was God that made me so beautiful; if I wasn’t then I’d be a teacher.

Actress/singer Jessica Simpson: ‘I’m not anorexic, I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic. I’ve never heard of one and that includes me!

Movie producer Samuel Goldwyn: ‘A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.

Former baseball great Dizzy Dean: ‘The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Actor/politician Arnold Schwarzenegger: ‘I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.

Former Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark: ‘Half this game is 90 percent mental.

Former NFL quarterback Joe Theismann: ‘The word genius isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

And for the heck of it, let’s get back to my two favorites lyricists minus the music:

George W. Bush: ‘I have opinions of my own strong opinions but I don’t always agree with them.

Dan Quayle: ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.

Uh huh.

Now for sociology and geography lessons from pop divas:

Mariah Carey, with a heart of gold: ‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with those flies and death and stuff.

Britney Spears, on international travel: ‘I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.

Christian Aguilera: ‘So where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year

Spears, again, this time elaborating a bit more on geography: ‘I get to go to lots of overseas place, like Canada.

Back to our two loveable politicians:

George W. Bush: ‘Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.

Dan Quayle: ‘The holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.

George W. Bush: ‘Will the highways on the Internet become more few.

Dan Quayle: ‘I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

And some more vintage Paris Hilton simply because she has so much to say to the world:

Paris Hilton: ‘What is the Wall Street Journal. Is that good.

And, to conclude, once again I give you the fan favorites, Mr. Bush and Mr. Quayle:

George W. Bush: Too many good docs are getting out of America. Too many OBGYNs are not able to practice their love with the woman of America.

Dan Quayle: ‘I was recently on a tour of Latin America and my own regret is that I didn’t learn Latin harder in school, then I could converse with those people.

OK, that’s it. I wish I could say something clever to end this column, but I really don’t think I have to.

What everyone else said speaks for itself.