Ranking the best sports movies of all-time

I apologize to anyone who is a fan of Casey’s Corner, there won’t be a column this week.

That’s right, shift your eyes to another page, there’s nothing to see here. There simply isn’t enough demand right now to keep my column afloat.

The NBA and NFL are embroiled in lockouts.

My local high schools are just as good as locked out and are in their summer breaks.

Sure, there is the Tour de France going on and also the British Open.

But that’s not worthy of a column. Who wants to read about steroid-laden Europeans riding their bikes up a mountain in France? Likewise, who cares about golf if Tiger Woods isn’t in the field?

The TV ratings show, just about no one.

I guess we could talk about baseball a little, but I really feel like I beat that topic to death with a 15-foot pole when I discussed realignment in the sport.

So there you have it, there’s nothing for me to talk about and I’m officially canceling my column until next week.

Until then, I’ll be watching Happy Gilmore and Blue Chips from the comfort of my home, reminiscing about a time when a “lockout” could be fixed by simply calling your local Pop-A-Lock.

But maybe there’s a way we can have both Blue Chips and my column for one week?

Talking about that oh so accurate movie got me to thinking … what are the best sports movies of all-time?

OK, I think we’re onto something here. I can feel my creative juices beginning to bubble once more.

Don’t press send on that Facebook status update informing the world that my column is canceled, I am here for another week to discuss this amazing idea.

Before we start, let’s break down the parameters.

Because it’s difficult to compare serious and hard-hitting true stories like Miracle to slapstick comedies like The Waterboy, there will be a category for serious movies and a category for comedies.

When each individual champ is named, I’ll inform you my “Best in Show”, so to speak, which is the sports movie that I think is the best of all-time.

So let’s go, the Top 10 slapstick sports comedies of all-time:

No. 10: Happy Gilmore

Breakdown: There’s no better movie bad guy than Shooter McGavin, he’s great.

No. 9: Talladega Nights

Breakdown: This movie taught us all that if you ain’t first, you’re last, while also teaching us to Shake and Bake.

No. 8: The Bad News Bears

Breakdown: We’re not talking about the remake here. Just the old-school Bears. Don’t give me that 2005 Billy Bob Thornton junk.

No. 7: The Longest Yard

Breakdown: Again, we’re talking about Burt Reynolds and Eddie Albert, not Adam Sandler and his 2005 remake. What is it with 2005 and corny sports remakes?

No. 6: The Sandlot

Breakdown: The storied tale of a group of children’s love for baseball. Every kid needs to watch this movie with his/her parents.

No. 5: The Waterboy

Breakdown: Maybe I’m biased because of where I live, but doesn’t everyone need to watch this movie at least two times a year?

No. 4: Slap Shot

Breakdown: I’ve never been a real big hockey guy, but dang, this movie is great.

No. 3: Major Leagues

Breakdown: The characters are All-World goofballs and Charlie Sheen is the lead actor. What more could anyone want?

No. 2: A League of Their Own

Breakdown: It goes without saying: There’s no crying in baseball!

No. 1: Caddyshack

Breakdown: It’s exaggerated, of course, but several country clubs do have the same sociological dynamics as displayed in this movie. That’s what makes it genius, and also our comedic sports movie champion.

OK, now let’s go with the more serious and hard hitting sports movies and figure out the best of the best in that field.

No. 10: Rudy

Breakdown: Anytime the little guy takes on the big guy, it’s a good story. This one is no different.

No. 9: The Hustler

Breakdown: Not many people know this one, because it wasn’t a widespread cultural hit. But it’s still a great story of pride and hatred of losing.

No. 8: Hoosiers

Breakdown: This one could go on the comedy list, but it fits here, too. It’s hard to find a better character than Gene Hackman’s Coach Norman Dale.

No. 7: Brian’s Song

Breakdown: This is another one that isn’t widely known, because it was just a cable movie of the week. But the story told in this classic is phenomenal and is a true testament to the power of friendship.

No. 6: Remember the Titans

Breakdown: The world would be a better place if stories of racism wouldn’t exist in athletics. You and I both know they do, however, which is why movies like this are great.

No. 5: Invictus

Breakdown: Another story where you wish the plot would be fiction. Unfortunately it wasn’t, but Morgan Freeman’s portrayal of Nelson Mandela is as powerful as they come.

No. 4: The Blindside

Breakdown: As an LSU grad, I’m bitter Mr. Oher didn’t choose LSU and I cry foul for recruiting violations. As an objective bystander, I’m proud my fellow South Lafourche graduate, coach Ed Orgeron, had a hand in helping this man fulfill his family’s tradition.

No. 3: Rocky

Breakdown: This would be a sure-fire No. 1 if not for the later sequels which have ruined Mr. Balboa’s legacy. But when a movie character is huge enough to have a statue in a hate-filled city like Philadelphia, you know you’re onto something great.

No. 2: The Fighter

Breakdown: Brotherly love, old habits are hard to break and hard-hitting boxing. I love boxing. Stories like this are why.

No. 1: Miracle

Breakdown: Do you believe in miracles? If you watch this movie, you surely will. There’s not much else that needs to be said.

So we have the two champions, so let me name the all-time greatest sports movie:

Winner: Miracle

Caddyshack is great, but you just can’t beat an underdog story like this one, which changed an entire country’s fate in the midst of the Cold War.

One of these leagues better lift their lockouts sometime, soon.

I don’t know how many more weeks I can stay in business with creativity alone.